My Happily Ever After

I am an adult now and I really do miss being a child sometimes.  I miss playing Barbies, were we could control people and not be called a bitch.  When we had no idea what apps were.  When we told time by mom yelling "Kids! Dinner!" into the big tree in the backyard. 

I love to read and write books, I love to lose myself inside the pages of a novel and breathe in whatever the characters are inhaling. 

When I was young, my mother used to read me book after book.  In fact, the book snob that I was, I REFUSED to go to sleep until my mother read me a fairytale or a Berenstein Bears book.  Even though I knew these books were works of fiction, I banked on what I knew HAD to be facts:

• I was a princess ...duh.
• All apples were poisonous, so avoid all healthy food just in case... 
• Prince Charming on his noble steed or a Knight in shining armor would rescue me.
• All 'Happy Endings' were almost always 'Happily Ever Afters.'

I slowly, but surely, found out that I was not a princess (I fart at least once a day, come on).  No matter how hard I tried, fairies would not sprinkle dust to help me fly nor did woodland creatures flock to me when I sang a charming tune.  I started to wonder if The Brothers Grimm, Hans Christian Andersen, Charles Perrault and Lewis Carroll had, in fact, lied about all of it.  The glass slippers, the big bad wolf, Wonderland and houses made of candy.  It was all lies.

*sigh*


As I grew older, things became more and more clear that (despite what Peter Pan said), it was time to grow up and stop believing in childish stories.  I tucked all my fairytales, Berenstein Bear books and Super Fudge books under my bed and began believing what I could touch, see, taste, smell and hear.  I became more interested in science, the biology and chemistry of it all.  I fell in love ...or at least I thought I did.  The hero in this story though, folks, turned out to be a the villain.  He hurt me in more ways than one and I ran away to save myself.  I never saw him again.  Then I thought I'd found a Knight, a real hero, courageous enough to battle evil and lead our lives into goodness.  He was unfaithful and this princess felt more broken than she ever imagined possible.  But again, she was wrong.  She fell again, more slowly and cautiously this time, after taking a small break from dating anymore.  This one seemed perfect.  Gentle, genuine and a gentleman.  This facade soon faded as well, and what I thought was the sweet, loving soul I could trust - exposed his fangs and turned out to be the big, bad wolf   :(

This last relationship shook my faith the most, as I tried to do everything right.  We fell slowly, instead of all at once, cautiously and whole heartedly without holding back.  Even sometimes to this day, I feel what I can only describe as 'homesick' when I think about the gentle, tender, loving care, devotion and adoration he loved me with.  This one was the HARDEST to break off and left me in beyond heartbreak - it left me in ruins.  My faith failed and I lost so much more than a best friend, boyfriend and lover.  I lost my love for myself.  I really, really hated fairytales now.  I could just strangle the soul who thought 'soulmates' was an actual thing. 

Time continued on as it usually does.  After all, the world tends to unfold as it should.

'True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does.'
This is what my current boyfriend and soulmate, Kasey, has proven to me.  We fought and fought against falling in love.  We retreated away from each other even though we were pulled into one another.  We were both scared, absolutely terrified, of the love that was most obviously blooming between us.  It soon occurred to both of us that we didn't want to live in a world, a day, a minute, where the other one did not exist.  I couldn't live without him, which was new and beguiling for me.  No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake him.  I couldn't push away the spark that made me never want to leave his arms. 
...and here we are, over two years later.  We have an 8 month old baby girl and my birthday is just 2 days away (for which, Kasey has given me a 'promise ring' - my first real ring from a man) and I cannot wait to spend tonight, tomorrow, next Thursday and forever and ever with him. 

Conclusion:  So while my story does not prove that fairy tales are real, I finally believe that happy endings are possible and our lives CAN be our story.  Kasey Wright IS my happily ever after.  And if I WERE a princess, if Tinkerbell could make me fly, then I am more than happy to have a kissed a few frogs and loved a few toads before finally landing my very own Prince Charming :)  




** Second star to the right and straight on til morning **
                    *Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust*